need to come to terms with the fact that not everyone is made for you. everyone who comes into your life will not be permanent and you can’t spend your time feeling sorry about it, it’s just the way it goes. accept the lessons people teach you and thank the universe for the time you got to spend with them. release negative emotions, wish everyone well and keep your heart open for the next.
We don’t talk anymore. He spent Christmas with his girlfriend, and probably will New Years too, and I was alone. It always comes down to this moment. The other woman doesn’t get holidays or birthdays. He comes to you when she doesn’t satisfy him the way you can. And that’s it. You have to live with that. And I do. It’s just inevitable to feel lonely on such occasions. I don’t want to be alone on New Years eve. I don’t want to think of the two of them together.
I heard this song that says “ Does she know that you held me in the dark?”, by Astrid S, and ever since I heard it, I can’t take it off my mind. I can’t take him holding me in the dark off my mind. While he told her he was sleeping over at a friends house. I didn’t mind, as long as he didn’t let go of me all night. But it was all sunshine and rainbows until he left in the morning without a morning kiss. Without a single word. That was the first time I realized my worth to him.
He can talk about how much he hates his girlfriend, about how annoying or stupid or nagging she is. You feel so superior because you are his escape, you are the better option, the one he can be with by choice rather than obligation. The one he really wants. But then he says he had a good day with her, they had fun, he saw those beautiful parts about her that he used to love. And you’re right back down at the bottom, that thing kept to the side because you aren’t good enough to be the priority, the disposable one he can throw away at any minute. The other woman, never to be anything more, only at risk of becoming even less.
